"...just struggling to make the ends of my life meet..."

And so begins Joel's first blog...

Where can I start?

First and Foremost, I want to thank Jeremy Sawatzky http://jeremysawatzky.blogspot.com/2005/03/stumbling.html

for inspiring me to create my own Blog.

You don't know me, Jeremy, but you will...

I am Joel Sopp.

I am a father of two wonderful boys, Braiden and Logan. I have married to the same woman, Shelley, for 8 years as of Oct/10/2006.

I am a Personal Banker with one of the Five Big Banks on Canada for 5 years as of Apr/30/2006, which coincides with my little sister, Karlinda's 30th Birthday.

Speaking of siblings, I have my Sister Karlinda, My Brother Nick,and my other Sister Alia.

If you haven't noticed, I have been talking about everyone else but myself. And with good reason...I just can't think of it. lol

Interesting Thought...

Have you ever felt like you needed to belong somewhere sooo bad, that you'd be willing to do or be anything you thought would include you in a project or a group of people you desired to be a part of?

That's me...

Joel Sopp a.k.a. The Chameleon

I was told in Grade 5, by my Home-Room Teacher, Glenn Verity, that because I was a "Sopp" (because of our financial situation, we were considered a 3rd Class family), I'd be nothing more than a Ditch Digger the rest of my life... Not exactly edifying knowledge to have at 11 years old, my life had been pre-ordained to nothing more than a dirt mover for the next 80 some odd years...

Needless to say, my self-esteem was not at an all-time high, so I started unconciously changing who I was and portrayed myself to be to other people, by talking, looking, acting, being different than who I was, but instead what the situation called for me to be like.

a side note:

I took Psychology 101 at Briercrest Bible College in Caronport, Saskatchewan, and learned a great deal about myself... What impacted me the most from that class, was Jim Baldry teaching my to look inside not only myself, but also my soul. Jim said, "Take every situation you have ever been in, and every way you ever acted or reacted, then how you feel you handled the situation and turn it into a moving portrait on the wall in a frame...

eep!

So this is what I came up with:

I was a Chameleon on a Branch, which reresented my "world", sitting in front of an everchanging backdrop of life. And the more the backdrop changed, the more I changed to keep up with it, until my colouring was a little bit of every backgroud I had been placed/forced/ended up in front of. This defense mechanism, which was intended to protect me, instead caused me to become lost to whom I truly was inside.

Now the scary part was, is that there was a Phantom Hand holding a stick, and constantly swinging at me to knock me off of my "Branch" to make me fall and reveal who I truly was inside. For years after that class I swore it was people trying to make me face the One True Joel; in retrospect, maybe it was God who was allowing me to be swung at to allow me to realize what I had done to myself.

Now 13 years after that class, I sit here at my computer wondering if the Chameleon in me is resurfacing... I find myself acting one way in public, and yet another way for 60 minutes on Sundays...

WHY MUST I ACT LIKE A SON OF GOD FOR AN HOUR ON SUNDAYS, BUT ACT LIKE AN ORPHAN FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK???

Well for my first post ever, I said more than I thought I would. I hope that I can continue to post my thoughts and feelings and that they would allow me to deal with any issues I have, and possibly allow someone else to relate to what I have gone through..

Until Next Time,

I remain Joel Sopp